False King's Sourdough

King's bread:

Technical Foul: This is cheater sourdough.  Sourdough is technically made with ONLY wild yeast, and a well-fed old starter that's lived in your fridge for ages.  I'm sad to report I killed my starter with neglect, I got wrapped up in a side-kombucha ferment project.  Forgive me bread gods, I shall give you another child. So anyone with a stick up your butt, I am clearly stating here that I admit this is a cheater sourdough.  However, if I had to wager you wouldn't be able to tell the difference, and my mister says its the best bread he's ever eaten. Suck it nerds.   You need a stand mixer for this.  I use a KitchenAid and will till I die.  They're tough, and they also offer a large selection of useful attachments.  Link below.   

Cheater starter recipe (you'll have extra for multiple loaves):


  • 2 cup warm water (110-115 degrees)
  • 2 cup all purpose flour
  • 2 T dry yeast


  1. Mix everyone together in a bowl.  Let it get bubbly for a half hour.  Use or put in a container twice its size, this likes to grow (signs its alive/working).

Sourdough Recipe (1 big ole loaf):


  • 1 cup of cheater starter
  • 2 T dry yeast
  • 1 T sugar
  • 1 pt of warm water (110 degrees)
  • 1 1/2 c All Purpose Flour
  • 5 c Bread Flour
  • 2 1/2 t salt
  • 1/2 t citric acid (cheating again)
  • 2 t black pepper 
  • corn meal 


  1. Put everyone in the stand mixer.  Mix on low for 4 minutes.
  2. Mix on high for 5 minutes. 
  3. Place in a greased bowl (allow space for this to triple in size). 
  4. Cover in greased plastic.  Let rise on your counter for 5 hours, then transfer to proof overnight in the fridge.
  5. Saturday am (or next morning).  Place on counter and see the stage one shape video below. 
  6. Let it rest under greased plastic for about 1-2 hours.  The timing is a little tricky since it depends on heat/ humidity of your kitchen.  Baking bread in the winter is very different then the summer. 
  7. The second shaping is much like the first.  Repeat what you've done below, pulling the dough to the center, and stretching down to make a top tight. Pull 3 times, and on the fourth, place your finger tips under the dough with your knuckles parallel to one and other. As if you were displaying sweet finger tattoos. From here, stretch the dough out and elongate.  Might take a few tries, go slow and make sure to keep that "seam" down. Tuck the ends under if things start looking cuckoo bananas. Let double again, about 2 hours. 
  8. From here we're going to lay it out and "de-gas" by tapping your fingers on the surface (see photo below).
  9. Then again, just like shapes one and two, fold to the center, pull into a ball (boule), then pull into a log (batard). There is a longer shaping method, which I will make a full length video of, but this is the ghetto sourdough bread, so YOLO. 
  10. From here, place your log seam side up (where your finger tips were pulling from, not the taught top) inside of a proofing basket.  As an under-funded nyc resident I do not own proofing baskets. I use $1 plastic "shoe boxes" from the dollar store.  I flour it the same way I would a basket, liberally.  It works.  Trust me. 
  11. Let that proof about 2 hours until its at the top of that shoe box, or doubled in size. 
  12. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Sprinkle corn meal on a pizza stone.  Flip the bread out, seam side down.  Cut 2 diagonal slices into the loaf.  Bake for 45-50 minutes.  Let rest on stone, and wrap when cool.

gettin' rid of the gas

 so cheap! same results!